  To be honest, the hospitality skills of the Dornish welcoming committee could use a little improvement. But the famous Water Gardens of House Martell might be worth the risk - did you see those fountains? The inlaid tilework? The lush garden labyrinths? The scenes in Dorne are some of the most beautiful backdrops in the world of Game of Thrones, even if some of the action leaves something to be desired. Those snakes down south are bit hissy but the Dornish have an impeccable sense of style, beauty and architecture. (We lustily include the delicious Oberyn Martell among the finest examples of Dornish beauty and architecture - I mean, those cheekbones, right?) So join us as we take a tour down to Sunspear with a beautiful Tarte Soleil - as spicy and gorgeous as those Martells and Sands in Dorne.
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  We all know who was the real Queen in Westeros, am I right? Let us all take a moment to remember Lady Olenna of House Tyrell, also known as the Queen of Thorns. Despite being one of the tamer deaths on Game of Thrones, Lady Olenna still manages to go out fighting, dropping bombs on her way out. Even as she faces her own death, we feel no pity for her - we instead feel a bit sorry for Jaime, indeed anyone who finds themselves on the receiving end of those sharp and punishing thorns. This week we pour one out for the Queen of Thorns with a royal cocktail scented with roses and hiding a dangerous edge.
 Warning: Spoilers everywhere! Ser Jorah, owner of a lonely heart? YES. Season 4, Episode 8: The Mountain and The Viper  Ser Jorah just can't quit Daenerys of House Targaryen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Mother of Dragons, the Unburnt, Breaker of Chains. We watch him return again and again, back to Dany's side until she has no choice but to accept him back into her service. Devoted and doomed to unrequited love, in perpetuity. What does perpetuity mean? For fucking ever, that's what it means. Greyscale can't stop him, a parade of young lovers can't stop him, not even white walkers can keep Jorah from his Queen. He stands by her, watching her love other, lesser, men from deep inside the friend zone, none (okay, maybe one) equal to his singular devotion. This week, we honor the pure heart of Ser Jorah Mormont with our own recipe for hearts deliciously scorched and split in two: Grilled Artichokes with Garlic and Lemon.
Warning: Spoilers everywhere! Oysters, clams, and cockles! Season 5, Episode 8: Kill the Boy Our little Arya is growing up. A girl is on her own in a new city, taking classes at the House of Black and White, and like any girl off to college she's juggling jobs, assignments, responsibilities and...well, let's just say a girl is bound to make a few mistakes along the way. Blindingly big mistakes. But before a girl goes completely off the rails, she's holding it together with a part time job slinging oysters, clams, and cockles by the docks. What better way to enjoy your beautiful oysters than with a trio of delectable sauces? Yes friends, it's time to choose your poison!    Warning: Spoilers everywhere!
Oops, that's not Melisandre's bath oil... Season 4, Episode 7: Mockingbird Let's just say that Melisandre of Asshai is a woman of many, er...talents. But like any indecent hard working witch, she also keeps a cache of mysterious potions to help her with her work. We might not choose to store our apparently unlabeled potions next to our favorite bath products (love potion...demon black smoke potion...ooh, bath oil!) but to each witch her own. This week we pay tribute to the Red Woman in Melisandre Part I, in which we craft our potion.   Warning: Spoilers everywhere!
Season 2, Episode: What Is Dead May Never Die What Is Dead May Never Die! Yes, yes, but it can't be all death and drowning - pirates gotta eat too, right? Other than pirates and an occasional 'make the Iron Islands great again' kingsmoot, we don't see too much of the Ironborn culture but I like to imagine that a people so tied to the sea would also have an amazing sea based culinary tradition. When people think of the Iron Islands, do they say - "The Ironborn are insane, but the seafood there is AMAZING!" I'd like to hope so. At the very least, they must know how to make a good soup. So this week, we celebrate the Drowned God with 'a mess of fish' simmered in a delicate tomato broth. It's time for Bouillabaisse! Bless THAT with salt!   Warning: Spoilers everywhere!
Samwell Tarly gets a dose of...reality. Season 7, Episode 1: Dragonstone If Sam Tarly could tweet to the world, it would read "My best friend was just killed, my dad kicked me out, and now I'm scrubbing sh*t at the Citadel. FML." (FML meaning Fuck My Life, according to the twitter-verse.) Sam Tarly has finally landed at The Citadel, studying to be a Maester - dream come true! But it's not as glamorous as it sounds - he's apparently trapped in an endless loop of chamber pots and soup pots. Poops and soups all day, every day. FML indeed, Sam. The cooks at the Citadel don't seem very concerned about good food, but a good mushroom soup can be quite delicious even if it's not very pretty to look at. FML doesn't have to be bad if it happens to be a bowl full of farro, mushroom & lentils. (See what I did there?)   Warning: Spoilers everywhere!
The Hound Eats ALL the Fucking Chickens. Season 4, Episode 1: Two Swords Arya's sass level is out of control here and the Hound is absolutely loving it. What better match for the baddest motherfucker in Westeros than Arya Stark? Together, they are just pure delight. They encounter a band of baddies, Arya crosses a name off her list, gets her Needle back and she rides off on her own pony. The Hound - well, he gets his chicken and for one brief moment, all is right with the world. This is about as close to a happy ending as we get in Game of Thrones. We should all be lucky enough to get us some chicken, so here we are with this week's recipe for an excellent fucking chicken.   Warning: Spoilers everywhere!
"Lemon cakes are my favorite." Season 3, Episode 2: Dark Wings, Dark Words Season 4, Episode 5: First of His Name Oh Sansa, you sweet summer child. Lemon cakes are just one of many exotic things Sansa falls in love with during her time in the south, and definitely the only thing from King's Landing that was actually sweet. Google 'Sansa lemon cakes' and a bazillion different recipes pop up. Cupcakes, tea cakes, cocktails, topped with candied lemon, topped with icing, topped with curd - it's probably the most popular recipe idea for Game of Thrones. There is even an 'official' Sansa's Lemon Cakes recipe, commissioned by HBO. Friends, this is not that recipe.   Warning: Spoilers everywhere.
"I'm the three-eyed raven now." Season 7, Episode 7: The Dragon and The Wolf Since that fall out of the tower back in episode 1, little Bran Stark has been on a journey up north, down a cave, in the skies, to the past and quite possibly to the future as well. That's a lot weirdness even for Westeros, but our Bran is handling it in stride. Mostly. He may be a bit freaky now, but we know that somewhere deep beneath the toasted nuttiness is the sweet young Bran we remember from the very beginning. |
